yammerer_willow (yammerer_willow) wrote in taintedsprings,

I couldn't believe it. Charles and I were spending time talking then we were making love...I think thats what I could call it, he didn't seem to be complaining and the fact that he was still here when I woke up said a lot too. Part of me wonders if we made the right decision though. I mean, was this the right way to start off a new relationship? I can't believe that a man like Charles though would run off after that, he doesn't seem like...well like Parker was to Buffy. I do know now though that we can't go back, we can't change what has happened, not that I want to.

There isn't anyone I can talk to about this, Buffy can't be seen around us, and has to sneak to the house, Angel and his team don't really care for Charles, Giles...not gonna happen there, and well that just leaves Xander and he is busy with his new girlfriend. I guess I will just have to suck it up and talk to Charles. Though none of this matters right now anyway, I have actual work to do and he is sleeping.

What I need to worry about right now is taking care of Lorne and the spell to make him appear human. I have finally gotten everything I need and now all I have to do is perform it, thank goddess for my office, otherwise with the way things have been I wouldn't have the peace enough to even do the spell.

I mix the herbs, light the candles, say the latin which I suck at, and pray really hard this doesn't turn him into a toad...or turn me into a toad, either way someone would be a toad and it would be bad. Our cover would definatly be blown then.

The time passes, and hey I'm not a toad...I just hope the spell worked. I guess when Lorne looks in the mirror and sees his human face we will know...and I guess I no longer have an excuse to avoid the talk with Charles...

[[open to Charles and anyone else who wants to interrupt.]]
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I felt Willow get up, and for once, I wasn't exhausted in the morning. I got up after she left and went to my room, taking a shower.

I stood there, looking at myself in the mirror before I got into the shower. It was amazing, the healing she did on me. You'd never know I'd been through hell and back. Some part of me wasn't totally okay with that, but I'd deal.

I went to the kitchen and got something to eat. I wondered where Willow was, if she had gone out or was still around somewhere. I missed her, missed being near her. Maybe I could check her office, she might be there.

I lightly knock on the door and open it, seeing her sitting there. I can't help but smile. "Hey...I'm not interrupting anything, am I? Just wanted to see your pretty face."
"No, just finished." I guess that avoiding the talk thing wasn't going to work for long now was it.

"C..Charles..what are we?" I asked barely above a whisper. I mean I had to know, am I with him, or am I a dirty little secret or something in between. I don't know what brought this on, but what I do know is that his sweet talk and smooth lines say one thing, but I fear the other....am I horrible or what?
"What are we?" I repeated the question. "I thought we were dating...maybe..." I hoped I wasn't ruining what we had now. "I mean, I'd like to date you, I just, I didn't want to push..."

I didn't want to lose her. I walked into her office and sat in the chair by her desk. "I'm sorry. We're whatever you want us to be. You know how I feel about you, I wish I could shout it from the rooftops."

And now I'm going overboard. "I just want to be with you. So whatever I have to do or be, I will."
I look away in shame. "I'm sorry..I just...I shouldn't have doubted you." When I finally calm down I look up at him. "I just panicked...you can feel free to ignore my random insanity." After a moment more I turn to Charles take his hands in mine and look him directly in the eyes.

"I want to be for you what you want me to be. I don't want to lose you, lose your touch on my skin, to lose the ability to look into your eyes and fall in love with you with each passing moment...I can't lose that." and did I just say that? Wow, I am all poetic now, goddess help me.
I couldn't stop smiling. "Everything you just said, I can't lose that either." I made a decision. I took a breath and massaged her hands.

"Willow, please move in with me. I mean, into my room. I want to go to sleep every night and wake up every morning with you in my arms. I want to be with you and moving in is a step closer to that. At least tell me you'll think about it."

I can't believe I just asked her that. This could totaly blow up in my face, but I had to take the chance. Here's hoping I just haven't freaked her out...
"I am not ready for that." I whisper as I look away. "I want to get to know you better....I mean, yeah we bypassed some steps yesterday, but...sleeping together...as in the sleeping sense..I don't know, its different." I say as try to force back the tears.

"Don't hate me please." I plead. "I couldn't take that."
I was a bit disappointed, but I understood. "I could never hate you, Willow. I just asked too soon. It's okay, really."

I caress her face, turning her eyes back to mine. "I just want to be with you. I know we moved a little fast, but we can go slower, I don't mind. As long as I'm with you, that's all that matters."
"And anyway, my room is the better room" I say with a small smile. "If anyone was moving it would be you." My hand caresses his cheek as I get serious.

"Look, lets just see where this leads, spend time together, go on an actual date....you know normal things that until now neither of us have had time or ability to do. Maybe I can convince Giles to let us drive to Atlanta one night...you will find that people have a hard time saying no to me."
I smiled. "I can't say no to you either, so I believe that."

I also liked the idea of going to Atlanta with her sometime. But first, we can plan a date. "And okay, I'll take you on a real date. That sounds like fun. Just need to figure out where to go on a date around here, I don't know this town all that well yet."

I smile at him. "Thats why I suggested Atlanta." I say softly "There isn't a thing to do around here except a nice walk, in Atlanta, or even Athens, there are these new fangled things called movie theaters" I giggle making fun of this rinkydink town.

"Want me to pull up the atlanta website and see what all is there to do? Maybe we could stay a couple days."