yammerer_willow (yammerer_willow) wrote in taintedsprings,

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Things had been going so well then he mentions wanting to go out…I can’t go out. I don’t know why I am so nervous, no one really saw me in town and I am not sure they could find me and why would they want to burn me at the stake…that hasn’t been done in hundreds of years and nothing is going to be accomplished here. I guess that means I am going out with him. I shouldn’t be worried anyway. Gunn will make sure I am ok, and the park isn’t that populated, so really nothing to stress about and he should be able to have some kind of good day since he got here, he is healed now after all.

“Gunn…if we go out will you give me some slack on the whole being nervous about going out thing?” I asked him. Sue me, I am who I am, and I know what fanatics can do if they put their mind to it. I also know he is right, and I can’t help if I stay inside all the time, this will be a nice change. I didn't wait for his answer, instead I started gathering my things. Maybe we could sit and read in the sun or something, anything that would help the both of us relax would be nice.

"Ok, lets go out, do you think we could sit and read some too? I mean out at the park?"

[[open for Gunn]]
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"Sure, we could. Or...we could walk the hiking trail, feed some animals, maybe play some golf...I did some research about the park. There's a lake and two stocked fishing ponds. We could fish, if you want. Or maybe throw around a frisbee. Not that I'm suggesting that you're a dog or anything..."

Oh good job, Gunn. I hoped she wasn't insulted by that last statement. I just wanted her to show her a good time. Maybe I was going overboard, I didn't know. Her reaction would tell me, as soon as she reacted.
"A tad bit excited are we?" I asked with a smile. "I am looking for something relaxing to start...what do you say?" I hated being such a downer, but I wasn't the hiking type and fishing wasn't that exciting.

"We could take some snacks out with us and maybe some bread and feed the ducks" I suggested "Or anything you want."
I smiled at her. "That sounds like fun to me. Why don't we go get some snacks and head out?"

I paused, then said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get too excited. It's just been so long since I could go take a walk or run around, you know, normal people things. I should probably be quiet now and just follow you to the park."

I was glad that we're still friends. I just hope I don't blow that either. I just needed to watch myself, relax, and have a good time. Yeah, that will work.
"Its ok, I am actually looking forward to the fresh air, I just am nervous." I said as I led him to the kitchen where we got everything we would need for snacks and such.

Once we were ready and after some coaxing we were on our way. "If I get burned at the stake I am coming back to haunt you" I joked.
I smiled. "You will be okay, Willow. Unless you have witch tattooed on your forehead, no one will know. But, you are allowed to come back and haunt me."

The day was nice and warm, and there weren't many people out. Perfect. "It's nice, getting out of the house like this. You don't know what you'll miss until you can't do it anymore, you know?"
I sighed "Yes it is nice to get out, but...I still can't help being nervous." I admit. "But I am going to try to relax, cause...well relaxing is good." I led us to the car, it was too far to walk to the park so we would have to drive.

"So..what do you want to do? This is your day" I didn't want to bring him down on a day he should be excited.
I smiled at her. "Maybe a nice long walk through the park. You know, enjoy the sunshine. Then we can picnic by a pond and feed the ducks. That sound good to you?"

I know she's nervous about being out, but I wanted to walk in the sunshine, something I haven't been able to do in a long time. I'm actually getting to enjoy a day out. I'm so happy right now.
"Ok" I said as I pulled into the park driving to the topmost point of the park and parking. "We can park here, walk over to the pond, or hike up to where the creek begins, or...well you lead the way." I said with a smile.

I was actually relaxing a bit, which had a lot to do with who I was with. "T..Thank you by the way" I whispered.
"I'm not sure what I did, but you're welcome." I said, gazing at her. Stop that, she doesn't like you that way.

"Why don't we hike up to where the creek begins and then walk over to the pond from there. I think that's a nice long walk."
I turned to him stopping us a moment "You got me out of the house, and your happy...thats what I am thanking you for." I said softly as my hand inadvertantly moved to his cheek then I pulled away shocked that I had done that in the first place.

"Yes, hike...umm but it isn't that far." I said as I blushed "Its been a habit to park close for so long...I guess I just didn't think this time."
Her hand good, warm, against my skin. I wished she wouldn't have pulled it away.

"Uh...it's okay. We'll just start walking and see where we end up, how does that sound?"

I was just glad to be out, able to stand without pain next to a beautiful woman. Even though I wanted more...I was still happy.
We started to walk and even hike, I was actually having a good time. To be honest, I don't know why I told him no in the first place, but now I know that I am glad I am with him here. "So...how about sitting over there, and feeding the ducks, even reading?" I asked as I pointed to the small pond area that the was the start of the creek. "There is another pond further down, but this one is nice..yeah?" I didn't know what else to say.

I didn't realize that my hand had slid into his, my fingers weaving their way inbetween each of his, when I did realize this I didn't make any efforts to change it. It just felt amazing to have contact with someone that wasn't expecting anything from you other than friendship.

"G..Gunn?" I started softly as I turned to him my hand still in his and my eyes locking on. "I lied" added in a breathless whisper as I leaned in and kissed him gently our lips meeting mine gently parting to allow his tongue entrance to explore at his will. This was something I had wanted, but was unwilling to admit till now.
We're walking along, the day is beautiful, the sun feels warm on our skin, and then she says she lied and then kisses me. With tongue.

I found myself kissing her back, but then I pulled away. "Willow...I really hope this isn't you teasing me or some kind of test...you really want this?"

I just didn't want to be setting myself up for heartache, or a slap in the face, or us going back to friendship after a kiss like that.
"Yes, I want this." I said softly as I looked into his eyes. "I said earlier that I needed time to think about this, but...the thought of someone else coming along and taking you away because I had to think about something I already knew I wanted frightens me. I have always been told I need to sieze the day, but haven't been able to do that, not since Tara.." I looked away a moment "As long as this is what you want, then I want."

I started to shake, the fear of him saying he didn't want this after all was starting to build within me. I was used to rejection, and used to someone using force to get me to like them, but when it came to me actually pursuing..it never seemed to work before. "Ok, why don't I...I just go over there, you decide what you want and..I will just be feeding the ducks." I said as I started to walk away to hide my fear.
Oh the hell with this. I've been knowing what I want. Before she walked away, I pulled her back into an embrace, kissing her passionately, only letting up to breathe.

"I've wanted you for so long..." I told her. "I'm not going to fight it anymore. I didn't think I could be happier today, but I was wrong."

I kissed her again, wanting to take her back to the house and into my bed, wanting to make love to her and never let her go. Whoa, Gunn, slow down before you chase her off again.

I stopped. "I mean...I do want this. I do."
I smiled as he spoke. "Ok..but..please can we go slow." I asked nervously. "I..I want this I really do, I just don't want to rush through the best parts." I couldn't help it. I did want to feel his touch, that much is true, but I also wanted to know what it is like to just spend time with someone.
"Girl, you could just about kill a man, going back and forth like that." Yes, that's the way to respond after she says she wants to go slow.

"I mean...I'm sorry. I need to get ahold of myself...not literally...look, if you want to go slow, then we go slow. I'll do anything for you as long as I get to hold your hand and kiss those lips."

And hopefully, if I haven't just blown it, I'll get to continue holding her hand and kissing her.
I look down in shame at first, but then he stopped himself. "I..I just don't want to rush anything, I want to get to know you, not what I have heard about you, but you. I want to know what your favorite food is, your favorite thing to do, other than fighting demons and I want to know everything else that there is to know." Ok Willow, this is a man, it isn't like when you were with Tara, he won't want to talk about everything. I have to remind myself that most men think with one part of their anatomy and it isn't their brain.

"Sorry..I just don't want to rush and yes, I do want to spend time with you, hold your hand, and even sm...kiss. I want all of that, I just don't think rushing through that is helpfull."
For a moment, just a second, I thought of Fred. "You remind me so much of her." I said, and then started to get sad.

"She was like that, well, at first...I swear she had a notebook with all of my favorites in it." Talking about Fred was just making me all sad again. I need to stop comparing Willow to her.

"Anyway...okay. Fair's fair. You want to know all about me, and so I want to know all about you. Every favorite, every part of your personality."

"may I ask you something?" I started slowly as to not upset him. "D..Do you only like me because I am like her?" I hated that I was asking this, but I just didn't want to be the replacement. "I..I can't be her, I won't even try." I added as I looked away ready for him to say yes and thats that.

I found myself walking over to he water, holding a piece of bread to the duck and watching it eat straight from my hand, waiting for the inevitable. He says he wants to get to know me, but when he finds out I am nothing like her is he going to change his mind?
I didn't know how to answer that for a moment. I walked over to her. "You share qualities with her...but, I wouldn't say exactly like her."

I stopped, thinking for a moment. "When I ki-when she died...I didn't think I was worthy of anyone's love anymore. Then I met you and...you make me believe that I can live and be happy and that's okay."

I didn't know how much that was helping. "I'm not expecting you to be her replacement. No one can replace her. She was the love of my life and she will always be in my heart."

I paused again, trying to think of the best to say what I needed to say next. "She's also dead. And I'm not. I've beat up myself for too long, stopped myself from having any type of life much less any type of happiness."

My hands found hers, my eyes looked deep into her eyes. "Now I know I can have that, that I'm worthy of that...that makes me love you for you and if some of that reminds me of Fred, then take that as a compliment. It means you make me almost as happy as she did. I never thought anyone could."
A tear fell as he spoke, his words straight from the heart and all I could think was how much I wanted to just give into him right here, but no, I had to let it take time. "I trust you..." I said softly as I kissed him. "Though if you ever hurt me...well lets just say, hell would be too good for you." I said with a wide smile.

I took a deep breath "The fact still remains though that I want to get to know you, all about you, and I want you to know me." I couldn't help but be happy, this was the first time that I was happily in a relationshop that didn't involve me dating a werewolf, witch or slayer..Gunn was just a semi normal guy that I could really and truly give over to.
"I trust you too. And we will get to know each other. We can start right now." I said as I started walking again, holding her hand.

"So, tell me all about you. I know some of the Sunnydale story, but not a whole lot. And I want to know all of your favorite things. Then I'll tell you about me."

Okay, so that was cheesy, but I couldn't think of a better way to spend a day than walking along with a beautiful woman on a gorgeous day.
I smiled as we walked telling him everything about me...except what happened when Tara...when she died. I figured he heard the stories, I mean how could he not when the world almost ended via Sunnydale...needless to say he knew just about everything when I was done talking.

"Ok your turn, and..umm...can we sit down and relax?" I asked preparing for him to tuck tail and run. I mean yeah, I just told him how much of a spaz I was in high school, I am sure he doesn't want to spend any more time around me.
I had listened to her talk, and I felt like I was more knowledgeable about her after she was done. She's been through a lot, and to be the way she is now is amazing. I noticed she didn't talk about Tara, but I had heard about Tara and knew how hard it was for Willow, so I wasn't sure I should ask her about that.

Then she wanted to sit down and relax. I saw a bench not far from us, so I steered us over and then sat down with her. "I hope this is okay." I said, smiling at her.

Then I took her hands into my own. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but, I know you left out Tara. Like I said, if you don't want to tell me, I understand."


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